I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
