God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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