420 ftw
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
