Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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