I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
