She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
