Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
