I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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