So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
