I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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