OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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