Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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