All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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