youre lurking in front of me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
