OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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