My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
