i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
