Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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