Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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