mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
40s are totally the cure
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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