my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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