okay pat passed out under dana's car
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
