So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
