I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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