apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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