Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
