Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
