I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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