i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
