I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
