they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
