You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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