Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
