this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
