Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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