Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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