Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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