I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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