The maid of honor just puked.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
