She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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