Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
