OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
