found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
