Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize