and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
