4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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