you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
