They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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