U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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