I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
