I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
