I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
