Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
