Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize