I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
