he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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