I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
