About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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