Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
