I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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