Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
