Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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