why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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